dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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