She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize