There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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