question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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