I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
