What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
