thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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