but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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