Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
