I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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