If i come over, it means nothing
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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