is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize