He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They took my balls.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
