So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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