I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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