she looked like the bat from fern gully.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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