Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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