Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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