also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
