Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
