A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
