had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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