I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
