Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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