I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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