She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
