last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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