if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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