Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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