I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
