I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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