my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize