she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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