She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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