I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
