thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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