No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
