My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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