areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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