Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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