My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
