There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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