The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
