I need help removing her.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
