Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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