One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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