no, he came in my armpit
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
