tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
