I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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