I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
