You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
