Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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