All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
