so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
