Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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