Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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