i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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