A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We talked him into tasing himself.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your penis caused this!
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