i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You ruined the universe
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
