hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
