Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
