Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
