Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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