He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
