Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
