Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
