Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
